Sub Space

Have you ever put anyone in a choke hold? To hold the person with your arm around their neck until they faint? I didn’t know this was possible and when I was told this and was told it only takes seconds for this to occur I just had to find out what this was about.



I have talked about breathe play before and I know how dangerous this could be. But this seemed a little too easy. So there I was with Sir behind me. I was nervous about what was going to happen but he has done this sort of thing before and assured me I will only be out for a couple of seconds. Sir placed his arm around my neck and pressed lightly on my neck… The room got darker and the sound of his voice faded. The next thing I know Sir was asking me to answer him.


What? Did you say something?


He did it. He put me to sleep for a few seconds I guess. It was painless and so quick and now I felt so relaxed. I was in sub space. As if I was floating. It was so surreal. I can see why people do this for sexual gratification.

The Deadliest Catch

Last night was the saddest day in Deadliest Catch history. Captain Phil had a major stoke. His kids Jake and Josh are beside themselves. The crab boat is all they have…its there home and the family business. What will the boys do? Phil undergoes surgery next week. The fleet is torn up over this event.



I like to watch reality TV but I have never been so involved with the characters of this show. For 5 years I have watched these Captains and their crews live, die, and survive the deadliest job on Earth. I hold a lot of respect and love for all of them.

Chills

Have you ever kissed someone and you just melt? The feeling of butterflies in your stomach fluttering around. The breathing in your ear that sends chills down your spine. The wetness that seems to be flowing inside me and racing to escape. This is what it felt like when I kissed Sir.


I have goosebumps when I think of how he held me and how we walked so close to each other. Our conversations of how we should go about our D/s relationship had raised my level of horniness beyond anything I have felt in a long time. I have these feelings of lust, romance, strength, encouragement, and willingness.


Is this how it felt when Babygirl and Daddy or Dom Tom and Lizard first felt when they met? Is the feeling still there or has it changed? I have read yours' and others blogs for quite a while now and I would love to get your advice and or suggestions in the future. All your comments are helpful and enlightening.


Have a great Tuesday and just a reminder that tonight is Deadliest Catch and After the Catch. There should be lots to talk about tomorrow.

A New Beginning

I’m getting closer to reaching my goal of ending my constant state of horniness. I met someone a week or so ago and last night we had our 2ed date. He seems wonderful. Everything I am looking for (at least seems that way right now)


I do not want to give out to much personal information right now, as he is new to the blogging experience. Although he loves how open I am and he loves that I write and have my own web site, he is not sure how much he wants to be a part of it. I can understand that but what fun is blogging if I can’t share with all of you?


I am not sure how far this relationship will go. It is very new but for now we have agreed in my blog I will call him Sir and the posts about him will remain vanilla for now.


I know for some who read my blog this post is not welcome news and I am sorry for that. But as you know I am looking for a local connection. I do care and enjoy all of you and hope this or any other relationships will not end our friendship.

What makes you horny? I am not talking about when you are with your mate. Is it a picture? A smell? A movie? A simple thought?


I can get really turned on by a sensual movie or a erotic book. It doesn’t even have to talk about sex just the illusion that sex might happen. I get especially turned on late at night when I can’t sleep. I think about past encounters or little simple fantasies. I think about how I liked to be touched. I even think about how I can please even better. How to be a better sub.


I know you all are tired of hearing about my constant state of horniness. That I need to get laid or masturbate more. But if I am suffering then so should all of you. LOL


Have a great weekend, and see you on Monday.

Please Forgive

I have had a sort of online / phone relationship with a man who does a lot of traveling for his job. His job keeps him super busy as he is in the public eye (sorta) He asked me the other day to do something for him. I adore him so I was promised him I would. Well, I am not sure what happen but I completely forgot. I know this is no excuse. I felt so bad. Totally guilty for going against my word. I know he is disappointed in me. He doesn’t even want to punish me physically. He rather me feel this deep regret then to punish me so I feel better.



The truth is I would love for him to punish me. I need that release for the hell I am feeling right now. I have done what he has asked. It was at the top of my priority list today. I even apologized in an email to him. And now I hope this post will show him how sorry I am and will allow him to punish me so he will forgive my insensitive non act.

As a sub do you feel this way about your Master when you have done something wrong? Does it feel better to be punished?

Personal Note:
Please, I am begging for your forgiveness. I will do as you say and take what ever punishment you think I deserve. I need your attention to this matter.

Family and D/s

I do a lot of reading about other people in the D/s lifestyle. Though blogs, books, web sites… There is a question I always had in the back of my mind but never really asked. I think the following post has good explanations of how children are raised in a D/s living situation. Let me know what you think. I would be interested to know how you would handle it….



How does one raise kids in a D/s household? As one with several kids I thought I should talk just a moment on this. It does interest me how others deal with this so I would like to know how others feel as well.


My own history of being raised in a D/s household (unbeknownst to me) my entire life also puts me in a unique position to speak on this as well. It is obvious to me now how my folks are and the thought had crossed my mind once I became aware there was a whole underground community at the age of 18. But until it was stated clearly I would have never known for sure.


In most ways my owner and I approach this thing very much as my parents did. They did as much as possible to shield me from their unique lifestyle as do we. And just like they did I imagine there will be a day when I (or my owner) will have an honest open conversation about such things. I want them to know there is a lifestyle that exists like this, and make their own decisions about what to do with that knowledge. Unlike my mother though, I will try to tell them at some point in their life when it will be helpful to them if they need that. I suspect one or two of them may be exactly like us. As an adolescent I struggled with my strange thoughts and feelings. It never even occurred to me there were others like me. And it was happening right in my own home! It would have been some helpful knowledge at that time.


But for now it is my priority as a parent to not spoil their innocence in any way. It is a precious thing and my children are a far higher priority then this life I lead. Don’t misunderstand, we are very serious about our lifestyle, and it does not take a break ever. But when it comes to my children they just don’t need to know about this thing right now.

Tid Bits

What a week this is starting out to be. My sex life is non existent. And my boss’s bipolar disorder is in rear form.


I got a new phone over the weekend after my other phone committed suicide by jumping into the washing machine. But I now own a Samsung Moment by Sprint. It is very cool. Playing with it is taking up all my time. LOL So now I can keep up with all your posts as it will alarm me as soon as you write it.


Later this week I am giving my son his 5th birthday party. He wants a pool party witch sounded like a good idea at the time but the weather man (actually busty weather woman) said we might be getting a tropical depression or possible storm. This should be no surprise to me as Ryan was born 1 week before Hurricane Katrina hit South Florida and 2 other hurricanes followed that year. And every year since it has stormed during his party. ( I wonder if someone is trying to tell me something)


I once again feeling very horny but I am hoping with all that is happening this week the hornyness will take a back seat for a while.


Tonight The Deadliest Catch is on. This will start the series of Captain Phil’s stoke and what it was like for him and his family leading up to his death.


So have a nice evening and maybe I will have some great sex story to tell you tomorrow. 

30 Years of Silence

Over the weekend I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Satisfaction Through Calefaction. In her post last Friday she talks about her struggles growing up and how it lead to her eating disorder. She briefly discussed how she was sexually abused and how she went to therapy.



This really got me to thinking about my own personal experiences that I have never talked about with anyone. And I wonder if this specific event has shaped my life. I have a hard time trusting men. It is not that I don’t try… I give it my all to believe what they tell me but for some reason or another I always seem to get betrayed by them.


When I was 7 years old I was walking home from school with my little brother and some friends. When a man was trying to start his white van. He was having trouble when he asked me to help him. I walked up to the van when he picked me up and threw me inside. And he left my brother and friends behind. (luckily, I had some smart friends and they ran to the nearest house and called police)


This man drove me all over the city (getting me confused to where I was) I only remember him stopping at some sort of rock pit / lake. I then remembered my mother telling me never to get into a car with strangers, don’t talk to them, ect. ect. but I guess at 7 I wasn’t thinking that at the time. Things are a little fussy from this point in time. I don’t really remember what happen next. I just remember him driving fast as we heard cop cars. He then reached over me and opened my door and pushed me out of the van as it was still moving. A few minutes later the cops found me on the side of the road.


Later, when the police were talking to my mother they had said a man fitting his description and the van, kidnapped a little girl and she had not been found.


It has taken me 30 years to repeat this story. And it is not much fun as the rest of the blog posts but I wanted Heather to know that I think her telling her story was very brave and I am so proud of her trying to help others with her post.

And I hope that others who read my post will understand a little something more about me.

Captain Phil Harris Tribute

Deadliest Catch tribute to Captain Phil Harris of the crab fishing vessel Cornelia Marie. The Discovery Channel is launching a tribute to Deadliest Catch Captain Phil Harris on June 22. The name of the show is called "After the Catch" that features one of America's most deadliest jobs, catching crabs off the coast of Alaska.



"Captain Phil was a father, fisherman, funny man and, most importantly for fans worldwide, a friend. We celebrate his life and all those he has touched through Deadliest Catch," Clark Bunting, President and General Manager of Discovery Channel and Science Channel, said in a statement. "I wish this would never have been a storyline of the series, but I am proud of the heart and emotion we have worked so hard to put into these very special episodes as a tribute to Phil."


The Discovery Channel will air a series of specials focused on the work of Captain Phil Harris, the beloved star of Deadliest Catch, who died Feb. 9. The co-owner and captain of the crab fishing vessel, Cornelia Marie, died at the young age of 53. He suffered from a stroke while off-loading his crab fishing vessel in Alaska.


The June 22 show will begin airing footage of the captain suffering the January 29 stroke. The June 29 episode will document the rest of the show's fleet learning the news. It will include reactions from captains Sig Hansen, Johnathan and Andy Hillstrand, and Keith Colburn.


The upcoming July 6 episode will accompany Josh and Jake as they watched over their father when he underwent 12 hours of surgery at an Anchorage hospital and was then put in a medically induced coma to reduce brain swelling. Subsequently, he exited the coma and began to show signs of recovery in the ICU. The July 13 broadcast will document Harris' actual passing and one-on-one interviews with fellow captains and Phil's sons, Josh and Jake. The sixth-season and final episode will air on July 27.

Reflecting

I am just reflecting on so much lately. Next week my baby boy is turning 5. When he was born he almost died twice and was in the new born ICU for 5 weeks and for the next year I had to take him to therapy 6 times a week and I had to take the whole year off of work just to care for him. So to see him happy and healthy and loves to swim, play baseball, ect. is such a blessing.



My daughter who is now a teenager is growing into a beautiful young lady. She is as tall as I am now and wants to be a professional dancer. She is lovely and I have no doubt that she will. Next month she will be in a National competition where she will audition, dance, perform, and be interviewed for the National Dance title. The competition will be on TV so I will have to let you know when that aires.


I have also been thinking about my future. How I want to see my life and although I know what I want, it has been a hard track to accomplish. But I am working on it and with all the wonderful comments I get from all the people who read my blog I am sure my future will be bright.


Have a wonderful afternoon and great weekend if I happen not to be able to post tomorrow. (have to catch up on a lot of work from not having internet the past 3 days)


With Love…

The Catch

Here I am, sitting at work, day number two with no Internet service. The power was out here yesterday for several hours and when it returned we had no computers. And that is why there was no post from me yesterday and I am only writing this today because I have the use of my phone.



Not much going on in my personal life the past 2 days but this will give me a chance to catch up on the Deadliest Catch. Last night there was a rescue of a man having a heart attack at sea. It was a daring rescue but all turned out well in the end. Then the fleet had a hard time with the ice building on the boats...very dangerous... At one point on the Time Bandit 60lb block of ice fell on Mike's (deckhand) head. Amazing he was ok.

Also, last night was the season premiere of After The Catch was on. It was sad not seeing Captain Phil not there. It has been 6 months since his death. I believe next week the show will go into how they lost the Captain.


And to give you an update on my horny status...I am still horny. Surprise!! Especially after watching my favorite menly men show. LOL

PS.
I live in Florida and the ocean is very near and dear to my heart (as I am sure it is to many of you) does anyone know how to get invoved in the clean up effort of the beaches and or animals effected by the oil?

Crazy SEX Thoughts

SEX always jumping around in my head. I think about sex that I want to be having, sex I outa be having. I think about my friends having sex and ( I hate to admit it) but I think about Baby Girl and Daddy having sex.



I think about the lifestyle and how most subs seem to get off on the pain our Masters place on us. It has got to me more mental then physical. When I was little pain was such a fear and now I embrace it. I crave for the attention…and the love that is felt.


Is it normal for me to think this much about sex? Could it be that this has something to do with Master C? Going from such an intense sexual relationship to slamming on the breaks.


What is my point with this post? I don’t know. I was thinking about sex and thought maybe I should write about what I was thinking. I know…I’m crazy.

My Crazy Head

It has been more then 3 weeks since the break up with Master C. I am still feeling lost and confused about the whole thing. Master C and I’s relationship was very intense and there were lots of feelings that I can’t seem to get out of my head. I feel this time in my life I need to keep moving forward and forget all that was said between us.

What do you all think? For those who know me…do you think I might need more time or simply try to forget and move on? What about sex? Should I hold off on a sexual relationship? Or do you think I should just find a friend with benefits for now?


So many questions so little answers in my head.

Harsh Punishment

It was again a stupid action by me which caused the punishment. I had overdawn on my credit card and I had to ask you for money to pay it off. You paid the cheque but were very angry and I knew that my bottom would pay a terrible price for your generosity. You called me before you and said that this punishment would last over the weekend and I could expect several sessions. Tonight I would be tied naked to my bed in the spare room while I thought of what was to come.



Sure enough my hands and feet were bound and I lay uncomfortable and unsleeping through the long night. In the morning you came forward and unfastened me and told me to have a shower before coming to the office for the first session with the cane. I knew then that my bum would really feel it because if you were starting with the cane you were intending it to hurt. I had my shower and after drying myself came to the office. The long ladder had been placed in position and I you told me to climb the first step and then to hold on to the top bar. You fastened my hands and feet and then placed a strap above my waist and below my knees whilst a bolster between my abdomen and the ladder forced my bottom out. Finally you placed a hood over face and a gag in my mouth. I could not see anything and could make no sound.


I waited and waited and nothing happened and then a searing shock as the punishment cane lashed into my bum. It seemed like an eternity before the next stroke landed and added to the pain. Stroke after stroke fell and by now they were crossing each other as the weals raised began to mingle. Then there was a pause but I could see nothing so did not know whether this was the end or just a respite. The interval went on for several minutes before I felt your hands on my sore bum and then I felt the kiss of the birch as you touched me. This was a judicial birch with five long supple twigs still with the buds on. It marks and also raises blisters. I steeled myself as I was sure it was time and then felt as though a a burning brand had been laid across my bum. This was only the first and the next stroke searched out the areas which had been untouched before. The third, fourth and fifth landed and then a stroke which made me want to scream as it seemed to impact on every nerve in my bum. I shuddered and collapsed in my bonds. You left me for several minutes before unfastening me and telling me to lay down on my face as you would apply ice and some soothing ointment. I lay there completely exhausted while you tended to me. When I looked I could see the mess my bum was in but I knew from experience that the weals and bruises would soon come out. I was more worried about the pain my behaviour had caused you and this would remain in my mind longer than the marks on my bum.


I now worried what further punishment was in store and when you told me I had to spend all day naked with my well punished bum on view I knew the humiliation which only the spanked can understand. That night again I was tied to my bed naked - fortunately it was a warm night - and in spite of the pain I slept well. When the morning came and you opened the door I looked to see if you had anything in your hands. I was relieved to see that they were empty and, after unfastening me, you told me to bend over so that you could inspect the damage. You said nothing but told me to have a shower and report to your office. I showered and dried and then presented myself to you. You told me that the rest of my punishment was to be administered now and would be the wooden paddle followed by the cane. My bum was already so sore that I did not know hether I could take more but I had faith that although you would push me to my ultimate limits you would not abuse me so I prepared myself. This time it was the A-frame and it was already in position awaiting me. I stepped forward and heard you whisper "Courage" as I took up my position and you strapped me into place.


First was the wooden paddle - that most lethal of all instruments -which not only sears the bum which has holes which leave little blisters. The firt stroke landed on my bum and I seemed to rise up as the pain coursed through me. The second and third followed with a final three. My whole bum area was now a mass of pain and I knew I must prepare myself for the cane. I saw that you were using the medium cane. A few taps and then it homed in its lash impacting upon the marks already there. A second, then a third up to twelve before you finally stopped and, after a minute or two unfastened, me. As I wept you hugged me to you and I knew that it had been your love which had made you treat me so harshly when I had disgraced myself. You told me that it was all over and nothing more would be said. Now you told me to lay face down and you soothed my bum with ice and cream. The wonderful thing was that once it was over we had a marvellous day down by the river laughing and joking and thowing sticks into the water for Beauty our Labrador to retrieve and then trying to get away when she shook water over us. That night in spite of my soreness our lovemaking was as passionate as ever and I thought it would never end.

DC Night

Last night the Deadliest Catch was on. I have to say I have been a little disappointed in the show this season. It seems not much is happening other then fishing. Now I know that the show does plan on covering the death of Captain Phil Harris. And it will be the saddest day in DC history. But so far not much is going on. And on top of that they seem to be setting up for Phil’s upcoming death. Anyone who watches the show knows what I mean. They have been showing a lot Phil with his sons and talking about who he is going to give the boat to in the event of his death…

It is kind of creepy. Do you agree? Anyway, other then that I have been busy on my new web site. It has been a lot of fun and hope all of you will check it out.
 http://submissivelover.webs.com

Relationship Question

I was talking to friend the other day who said “breaking up is probably more painful in a D/s relationship then in a vanilla one.” This got me to thinking…is he right? I would love to know your opinion. What makes it harder? Do subs get closer to their Doms then if you had a vanilla boyfriend?

 I have a lot of questions about what happen between Master C and I but I still feel lost without him. I need to feel that since of need and wants.

The Submissive Lover

 OK I finally did it. I was able to get my web sit up and running with the help from a friend. Well, he did most of the work….

I would like to welcome all of you to join. It is free and will be a lot of fun. It is a social network for Doms and subs. It is a place where you can chat with others, copy and paste or start new blogs, there are forums, places to post pictures and videos. I realize the site is small but if you can check it out and recommend the site to others it will be a lot of fun.

http://submissivelover.webs.com

I am really excited about this and it gives you the opportunity to be a part of something in its beginning stages. This just might turn out to be very big. So please let me know what you think and any feed back and or suggestions are welcome.

 PS
It may take a little time to get a confirmation email so don’t get discourage it will show up. I am working on fixing that issue. ENJOY!!

Remembering When...

I know I should be talking about other things but I just was thinking about a time I was with Master C and thought I just had to write it down.  ENJOY...



I have noticed when I go into a dark place, pain is essential with sex. I never knew what to really expect from him.


He was behind me fucking me; My ass propped in the air still donning my black panties that he had pushed aside. I couldn’t count how many times I came but I remember when he pulled out of me, slid the panties off of me and started spanking my bare ass with his hand. Instantly I was growing even wetter and the stings immediately gave me relief. There were times I winced at the burn and others when I groaned for more.


I wanted harder… harder…. harder.


Both hands squeezed my flesh and then he raked his nails down. His right hand traveled between my legs forcing his fingers inside of me. I gripped the black iron on my headboard and pulled up. I started to fuck his fingers as his free hand continued punishing my ass. It’s all a blur past that moment; I was lost in my greedy need for pain and pleasure.


He pulls himself from me and hugs me from behind. We fall to the bed and lay there on my stomach as I caught my breath. His face inching towards mine; it wasn’t over, he kissed my lips and I pushed up kiss him.


Teeth biting lips.


Lips sucking lips.


Hands roaming.


His hand made its way between my legs and I pushed his fingers inside of me.


“Make me cum, make me cum….thank you,” I whispered in his ear as I came.


The wetness flowed from my pussy on to the bed. He mounted me spreading my willing legs apart and pushed inside me. My head was pressed against the backboard as he fucked me relentlessly.


“I want to suck your cock.” it didn’t register.


“I want to suck your cock,” He fell on to the bed as I pushed his cock in my mouth. I love tasting myself on him. I licked my tongue on the underside of his cock as my mouth enveloped him. Up and down, faster and faster, he grunted as he came in my mouth and I moaned against his slowly fading hard on. I swallowed as I slowly and gently sucked all traces of cum from his cock. I kept him in my mouth till he was flaccid and moved my way up to his chest to rest.

Phone Sex

Rrrrrring…Rrrrrrring “Hi baby, ready to hear me get my cock sucked?” “Yes Daddy”



I have been sexually frustrated for weeks since the break up with Master C so a friend / follower thought he would cheer me up with a phone call and some real life phone sex….So there I was on the phone hearing his voice give his sub instructions on how to suck his cock. I could hear little snips of sound coming from her but to hear his strong, masculine, dominating voice was such a turn on for me. I had such images running though my head of how this was all looking on his end.


I am not sure if this helped my sexual frustration issues very much but it was definitely HOT! And I thank him for the rush.

My Memorial Day Weekend

Its official… I have 18 mosquito bites and 2 horsefly bites on my body. (6 of them just below my ass) I hate being so God dam sweet. People wonder why I am so pale in color when I live in South Florida… Well folks, this is why. Bugs love me. They love to bite my sweet tasting ass. I just don’t get it. My friends and family tease me that if we are all outside they will stand close to me because they know they will get their fill on my blood and leave them alone. I am their human bug repellant.



Now add the sunburn on my back and I had the perfect Memorial Day weekend. But it wasn’t all bad…The kids and I had a great time boating, BBQing, and hanging at the pool. They went tubing and dolphin came right up to the boat. It was very cool.

Hello everyone...I had this nice long post that I wrote this morning and after I wrote it I clicked Publish then View blog...all was great. But when I came back to my blog later this morning the post was gone. Has anyone seen it?


Boy, that is frustrating. I would rewrite what I wrote but now Im not in the mood. So maybe tomorrow I will do it again. But yes...I had a great time this weekend in the FL Keys.


What a bummer this post is...