Wednesday, November 10, 2010


Over the past year, as I am leaning to become the submissive woman every Dominant dreams of, I sometimes have questions. It is not always easy to ask your Master / Dom simply because the answer will only benefit him and not necessary the honest answer. So here it goes…

I have learned over this past year you should not question why your Dom has you do something or only tells you what he thinks you should know, ect. But if your not getting the answers you need, should you be able to ask him for a direct answer, even if you don’t agree with his answer or explanation?

I would really like to know your thoughts as a Dom or a sub…


  1. Carrie..
    Great question! I think with me and my sub/slut we have a relationship that caters to that. We are friends and lovers and have always put that before any D/s . Our relationship IS the reason why we can enjoy each other in the D/s atmosphere. I think W/we both agree that any questions,etc supercede the dyynamics of D/s. If i ask something during the session, she fulfills my request and any questions she may have are reserved after the session is complete.

  2. I think communication is the key to any healthy relationship whether it's BDSM related of vanilla.
    I have to agree with some of davefan's comment. I think during a session you should just let things happen. If you continue to stop it due to asking many questions you could ruin the flow of it. Once the session is done that's a great time to sit back, reflect on what just happened and ask your questions.
    To answer you question though I don't think it's wrong to ask questions. As a submissive you just want to be respectful about it and let him/her know you're not doing it to question there judgment.


  3. I think that whatever kind of relationship it is, the basics of human respect for another human should apply. Sure, badmouthing during the session is part of it if the Dom wishes it, but it's never directly put down against you personally. Not even inflicting pain on you is for anything else but pleasure. The Dom never does permanent damage because the sub's well-being is the Dom's complete responsibility.

    I look up to the BDSM lifestyle because of the level of trust involved in it and I think that being able to communicate freely still applies to it. And if you feel that your integrity as a human being is not respected in a relationship, you have every right to question or leave.

    Being in a D/s relationship has a lot of rules, and most of them are agreed upon before entering the lifestyle. And I think that even if you're a sub, if your Dom breaks an agreement, or does something against your principles, you have a right to question.

    Well, maybe I'm just being ideal. =p Just my thoughts. =)

  4. Carrie.

    There is no doubt you must be allowed to ask any question that needs an answer in your mind.

    The only concern I would have on being questioned would be the timing of and the environment it was asked in.

    I agree, the middle of an encounter is not the time for a question.

    Also, most questions should be asked of the Dom in private. That is not to say that you would not ask a question in public or in a group of BDSM friends, but for the most part, those questions and discussions should happen between the two people in the relationship.

    Remember, you are a woman first and a submissive second. Any good dominant man or woman understands that. You must be shown respect and given protection by your dom, so, how could your dom do that without understanding and clarifying any questions you might have??

    Do you remember what I told you the first time we chatted about you asking any question?? That you would be given a full, truthful and complete answer with nothing off limits??

    That is because it HAS TO be that way or the depth of any relationship (D's or vanilla) can never blossom correctly. The honesty and trust is the cornerstone to build a BDSM relationship on.

    I hope this gives you a better perspective from a dom who believes he understands the correct ways of the lifestyle.

  5. I agree with all the above and with Vince. I think there should always be open communication, and if there are answers and/or reasoning that you need, you should feel free to ask. I love that Vince pointed out that the circumstances and timing of your questions are important. I think that is very true.

    Good question and good responses!