Journal of my exploration into the domination submission world of D/s and how I struggle between my submissive heart and my logical feminist mind that tells me submission is wrong while my body and heart tell me it is sooooh right!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
That a lie which is half a truth is ever the blackest of lies;
That a lie which is all a lie may be met and fought with outrage;
But a lie which is part a truth is a harder matter to fight.
Have you ever had a dream that left you breathless? That is what happened to me last night. I do not usually remember my dreams nor are they very erotic but last night took the cake. I will tell you about it as I remember it but you know how dicey dreams can be.
I was in my living room reading my book when my front door opened and Master C with a riding crop and a back pack came in and told me to stand up. I obeyed of course and walked over to him. He pointed for me to head to my bedroom. (Up the stairs) As I headed that way he was hitting my ass with the crop. OUCH! “Don’t say a word” he told me in a very demanding voice. As we ventured into my bedroom he started barking out orders to get undressed and to bend over my bed. I did as he asked and that is where he was pulling out objects that I could not see from his bag. First came the hand cuffs. Pinned my hands behind my back. Then I felt a vibrator up my ass, his cock deep inside me. I was unable to move…Then WACK with the crop. Harder and harder. So much was going on at one time that I wasn’t sure if I should be enjoying it or crying over the pain that I was feeling. This went on forever it seemed.
Then I hear him on the phone ordering a pizza. A few minutes later he answered the door with his crop in one hand and the pizza guy next to him. Master C told me to pay the man. “I have no money Sir”
“Then you must pay him in other ways, get back upstairs”
I was pushed to my knees, in front of the half naked pizza man. Performing oral and gagging on his cock. He cam quickly. Thinking that would be it I stood up, when he told me he was going to fuck me. Oh my…This pizza better be worth it.
(Skipping ahead) Master C came up to the room. Full from eating pizza and drinking beer. He was ready to watch. Or so I thought…I found myself in the middle of a threesome. Back and forth giving oral as I’m being fucked at the same time. Everyone seemed satisfied and began to watch a movie on the TV. Acting as thou nothing happened.
I think some of my followers stories are starting to get to me. I woke up about 4am unable to get back to sleep. Feeling worn out. Does this happen to you?
Master C, when are you coming home? I don't think I can handle any more dreams like these.
TGIF… I do not have much of a post today. Even I have many slow days in the sub department. But I would like to welcome all my new followers these past couple of days. It has been fun getting to know all of you.
So just so you know… My computer is not working at home so any emails sent to me might not get a reply back until Monday. Plus if you noticed I do not post on my blog on the weekends.
Master C will be in Chicago for the next week or so. I will be so lonely and might have to come up with a fantasy or two while he is away.
Hope everyone has a nice weekend. I hear it will be a hot one in South Florida. Maybe I will buy a new bathing suit and hang out by the pool. Have fun. Love ya
Can stress make sex incredible? Yesterday I did not post for two reasons…(1) Not much happened from my last post and (2) it was a tough and stressful day for me and for Master C. I guess everyone has days like that and even thou it is not a day that Master C will forget any time soon I can only hope that him coming by to see me last night relived some of that stress for him.
I don’t want to toot my own horn but Master C says my oral skills are getting really good. TOOT TOOT!!! And after we had earth shaking results after our incredible sex, Master C seemed far more relaxed. Do you all feel that way too?
I have to sit real slow… Last night I got 100 swats. Half with Master C’s hand and the other by the paddle. Master C called it domestic discipline. (I kinda like that) It wasn’t too bad until he got about half way through. Then things started to really sting. It got to the point that I couldn’t help but to wiggle and trying to block his hand. But Master C would not have that. Holding me down as he administered his finial 20 or so swats. When he was finished he checked to see if I was wet. And of course, I was. I had tears in my eyes as he got me up from the bed and hugged and kissed me.
I just melt in his arms. My breath became shortened and my body was warming up as he touched me. He demanded oral (which he doesn’t need to demand) He was about to cum when he told me to stand up and bend back over the bed. I thought he was going to spank me again but instead to my pleasure, he forced himself inside me. I love this position and he knows it. This was a night I was supposed to make it all about his pleasure but as always I am the one who has the multiple orgasms.
Thank you Master for keeping me in line and for your reward.
Happy Monday!!! Nothing real exciting happened to me over the weekend. At least not sexually. Last night about 2am my large dog that stays in the back year started barking like a mad dog. So I climbed out of bed and went into the kids room to yell out the window for him to shut up when I see a police car then 2, 3 , 4, 5, 6 more police cars. All of them focused on my back yard. The police jumped out of their cars and grabbed a guy who was lying just on the other side of my fence. I thought my dog was going to knock the fence down trying to get to him. Its funny how my dog stopped barking as soon as the police got this guy. I heard the cops talking how my dog gave the guy away.
Anyway, there must have been more people they were after because soon after there was a helicopter flying above. My kids were scared so they slept in my bed. They were there for hours and after the police left it started to rain heavily making it hard to fall asleep.
Boy, what a night. Master C thinks I should have a gun to protect myself but I have small children. I feel guns are to unsafe in the house with kids. Well, I hope to have a quieter evening tonight.
Not too much was going on this past week. So I am going to use this opportunity to share some of my thoughts and update you all on some things.
I would like to thank everyone for their Birthday wishes. You all are so nice to me. I truly do appreciate it. Last night I had dinner with my family and got some really nice gifts. It was great.
I hope that Ed (one of my followers) feels better. He got real sick with the flu and was sent to the hospital. He is doing much better now and is resting at home.
To Kevin, you are right I should have asked your permission before posting your story. But since you didn’t mind me sharing it I am going to keep it up and hope that you add to it.
Master C and I made up… So many of you seemed worried. We had a nice sexy evening Wednesday. I can’t stay mad at him for long. Especially the way he can get me to orgasm so easily.
Deadliest Catch new season begins April 13th @ 9:00 pm. I expect everyone will be watching the new season so I can blog about it. As you all know I am a huge fan of that show.
HELP SHOUT OUT So lets see…. I am still looking for a “real” job. If you know anyone who can help in South Florida let me know. Or if anyone has a part time stay at home job that I may be able to do, please let me know.
Well, I guess that is about it. Have a great weekend and I will chat with you on Monday. BYE
I am not sure why Kevin's emails turn me on but this is part of a story (that he says is true) that he wrote me.
She was a tall redhead. Blue eyes and freckles. She knew I was rough, She knew I was kinky. I demanded she come prepared to play. She wasn't wearing what I told her to wear, So I made her undress in the parking lot and redress properly. Only about 20 yards from the highway. From there, we checked into a sleazy motel. I wanted to be sure we were in place with windows open to the outside. As additional punishment, I had her suck my cock off in the doorway.
With me standing in the doorway, she was guided to her knees. Considering I had opened her dress on the way to the room, I didn't think she would want to stay on outside long. So when I said suck, she was ready. I guided her head over my cock. Gently at first. Enough to get me nice and stiff. But once hard, and without notice, I grabbed her mane of red and slammed fucked her throat. Her eyes popped, tears started to well, a drop or two down her cheeks. Mercy was not about to happen and she realized that quickly. A slight noise caught my attention and looking out I noticed a couple across the parking lot leaning against what I assume to be their car. She was grabbing his arm so tight I thought she would tear it from the socket. At once, they both realized I had caught them looking and smiled at me. Now that I knew we had an audience, it was time to take things to a new level. With her still outside the door, I grabbed her dress. Pulling it off her head and tossing it aside. Only then was she allowed in the room.. My first act was to open the curtains. I knew our onlookers would come closer. I was not disappointed. Taking a position on the bed with her back to the window, She eagerly went back to sucking my cock. I would change pace every time I got close to cumming. I checked often on the gazers at the window. When I was ready, I nodded to them and told her I was going to bust all over her face.. At that last moment, I turned us sideways, pulled my shaft from her mouth and unleashed a stream from forehead to chin. That first stream only landed on her. All the rest she drank down as if were starving for protein.
I know yesterdays post was not nice on my part. I had issues with Master C but I think we have worked it out. I hope so anyway. I am sure that my mouth will get me a punishment sometime soon. I will have to keep you all posted on that.
So for now I wish you all a HAPPY SAINT PATRICKS DAY. Be careful with the green beer…I hear it will stain your teeth green. And for those who don’t normally drink beer, I once had a girl throw up on me twice after drinking it. It was soooo gross….This has been a public service announcement. LOL
Tomorrow is my birthday. And I'm not real happy about it but my family plans on havng dinner for me and my kids are all excited about it for some reason. So I will be a year older and hopfully a little wiser. Have a good day...be safe
Is it me?? A friend pointed out that I am mad, disappointed, and frustrated…he is right. I must adore Master C so much that when he cancels our dates or doesn’t call or talk to me for days, I get upset. Why does he do this? Is this his dominant ways? Or am I a fool? I know this post wont make Master C very happy with me. In fact it will probably disappoint him greatly. But this is my way of venting. I am not allowed to speak about such things with him and I know this is a smart ass post that will get my butt into trouble. But I feel I must use my first amendment right. Do most subs feel this way about their Masters or is it just me? Viewer opinion needed here.
As most of you know, before I took the steps in becoming a Submissive and in finding my Dom, I spent years dreaming and fantasizing about the D/s lifestyle. Over the weekend I got an email from an “old email pin pal” asking what I was up to and stuff like that. I told him about my blog that I started about 6 months ago. Needless to say, I think he may have been surprised. Let me start from the beginning…
About a year ago I was still living with my boyfriend. Unhappy really, for many reasons but it wasn’t the relationship I was looking for. So one day I decided to place an ad on Craigslist looking for a one night stand where I could have my submissive fantasies played out. So I made up this person who lived in Boston who was happy in her relationship but looking for some fun when I traveled. To make a long story short, I received tons of email but there was this 1 man who captured my mind and my sexual desire. We emailed each other for months. All along he had no idea who I really was. I of course chickened out and I never did meet him and eventually stopped emailing. So back in October I came up with my blog. It was inspired by Kevin “old email pin pal” I wanted everything I wrote to be completely open and honest. No more lies or made up stories.
If it weren’t for Kevin and the start of my blog my life would have never changed. This entire experience has been a true gift and I have to give credit where credit is due. Thank you Kevin
Another tragedy for the Deadliest Catch family. This time it’s Jake Anderson on the Northwestern. His father went missing in Washington State. Jake also just lost his sister. A very sad and powerful episode. I hope Jake finds his father alive and well.
(March 10) -- A star of the Discovery Channel's hit reality series "Deadliest Catch" is appealing to the public for help in finding his father, who has been missing for two months.
"I just want to know what happened to my dad," Jake Anderson, a deckhand on the F/V Northwestern crab fishing boat, told AOL News. "I want to bring my father home. He wouldn't give up on us, and I'm not going to give up on him. I just don't know what to do. We need help, and I hope that someone out there will help give us some sort of closure."
Keith Anderson, a 63-year-old retired high school counselor from Anacortes, Wash., disappeared Jan. 6. Jake Anderson was on the Northwestern, crab fishing in the Bering Sea, but Keith's brother Chris saw him that day.
I have been waiting all weekend for Master C to come see me. The other day Master C went shopping and personally made me a spreader and bought a paddle. Well he didn’t disappoint me. He brought them over last night to share them with me. He had me tied up and legs spread. After a while he forced me to my knees. He spanked me and tied my hands even tighter behind my back. Then forced himself hard inside of me. For the next couple of hours the sex was incredible. It was the type of sex that made my head spin, my eyes rolling, and my body shaking. Can life get any better then this?
This weekend was a busy one for me. My daughter had a dance competition and I was there for a total of 22 hours. It’s a good thing I love her so much…lol Soooo, needless to say I didn’t have an exciting sexual weekend. I guess it was bound to happen. HAHA.
Master C went on a shopping spree today. He was going out to find me a present but I soon found out that it was a present for him that involved me. He bought a paddle and a rubber spatula (what ever that is) and a spreader bar for my arms and legs. He wants to hang me from the wall with a blindfold. OH MY it sounds so kinky and makes me a bit nervous. I asked him to send me pictures of this stuff but he won’t. I guess he wants it to be a surprise. And maybe it’s a good thing…I might see them and run.
BTW… I was asked earlier if a submissive can have her own sex slave. Is this possible? How would that work?
I have not forgotten to write the last couple of days. It’s just that I am having writers’ block. I need to be inspired. I have been so busy with kids and work that I have not been spending much time with Master C. I need his touch…not only to satisfy my hunger for him but to inspire my writing for this blog. I hope there will be a cure for me soon.
But there is a promise from Master C for incredible sex but also a promise of punishment. Yes, once again he thought I was bratty and I didn’t make goal of losing 3 pounds. I will be sure to write about it if I am able to sit up to the computer. I would ask you all to feel sorry for me but I know that most of you are excited about my upcoming punishment. Shame on you all!
Master C suggested we pick up some sandwiches and eat them on the beach. I readily agreed. We drove down A1A and found a parking place on the Hollywood Boardwalk –not difficult we were the only car. We walked over the boardwalk onto the beach with our dinner. It was windy, the waves crashing, not much moonlight so it was pretty dark in that area of the beach. We walked to a lifeguard shack and sat on the deck. A few couples walked past, but the beach was pretty deserted. I’ve seen it a lot busier with shadowey figures making out, but tonight we had the place pretty much to ourselves.
As we ate our sandwiches, I asked Master C to tell me about some of his sexy dates. As he described them, we were both getting hot. I could feel my nipples getting hard, and soon we were kissing. Master C was rock hard as I was feeling his cock through his pants. Then I stood up, pulled off my jeans and stood in front of him with just my see though shirt and black thong panties. Master C’s back was against the shack wall, I stood over him, he pulled my thong down and he started to lick my clit….pulling me into him closely. He has two fingers inside my pussy and one in my ass… he sucks on my clit until I cum. I am moaning and running my fingers though his hair – standing there half naked on the lifeguard stand was so exciting. I am soaking wet, if anyone was passing they were sure to hear us, making it all that more exciting.
After I came again, I pulled down Master C’s pants and began to suck his hard cock. …I then stood up and maneuvered around and he pulled me in close to him. He motioned me to bend over and he begins to lick my asshole and fucking me with his fingers. I am pushing my ass into his face. I am loving the sensation of his tongue back there… I then squatted down on his cock. His back still against the wall, I move up and down and feeling the juices running outside of me. Master C has his hands under my shirt, feeling my breasts and helping me keep my balance on him. I am cumming and so is he. What an evening of excitement and giving each of us a story to tell.
This post is for my Master. I promised him I would give him credit for such a wonderful Friday night. Master C asked me to be dressed in a teddy and he would meet me up in my bedroom. And after I undressed him and got into bed I started to get to work on his cock. I say that because he knows how I love to make his soft cock hard in my mouth and watching and feeling it grow. I believe I am getting to know Master C’s body and what turns him on the most and I used every trick in the book to keep him hard for as long as possible. And I am not kidding when I say he lasted hours. He is able to get himself right to the edge of cuming and then he is able to stop. This only makes me crave him more. And after I cam 11 times (That is what he counted because I lost count) he than cam. He must have fucked me in every possible way. I loved it.
I would like to thank you Master C. It was a wonderful and very hot night. Every night you come over is so over whelming. I crave for you more and more each time we are together.