Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Story I Want To Tell

I know some of my posts arn't always about sex. I use my blog at time to shout out my feelings when I don't think anyone else will listen. Over the weekend I was very busy and as most of you know I have been having pain in my neck for over a week. So I decided to take a pain reliever which turn out I was highly allergic to. Anyway as it turned out (I went to the doctor last night) I got a bad lymph note infection due to a misquote or ant bite...that was the cause of my pain, so the doctor gave me some strong antiboics and steroids and amazingly I feel a lot better today...He and about 10 others told me I should have gone to the doctor a week ago. So I know...You told me so. LOL
Anyway as I was sitting at home thinking about how my health is falling apart I kept remembering about a woman that I met while ago working at the hospital ER. This was about 12 years ago and although I thought of her many times it never seems too get easier to get over the guilt I had for her. I know it wasn't my fault but telling my head that has been another story.

A woman walks into the ER, she was 22 years old, obese, had a baby boy 4 days earlier, and came to the ER saying she had breast pain and shortness of breathe on and off all day. The nurses looked at her and sent her to an area called Quick Care. My best friend at the time was the nurse practitioner who looked at her and sent her home saying she had a cold like symptoms. The woman (a name I cant not tell you here, but will never forget) felt better and left. I happened to be walking though the waiting room when a older woman stopped me and told me there was a woman on the toilet who could not get up because he cant breathe and was in a lot of pain. I was working as a patient liaison with a little bit of a medical background, so I went in to see how I can help. The woman told me that she saw Kathy in Quick Care and that she had had a bad cold. I told her I would look into for her and would be right back.

I went to Kathy and she said (in not such a nice way) that the woman was obese, and when you have a cold and you are walking around you can feel out of breathe, and because she was breast feeling her baby her breast hurt. OK enough said I went to the bath room, this woman was very nice and I told her (in a much nicer way) what Kathy said but if she feels this bad I will get her back to the main ER now and have her sseen by a doctor. The woman said Thank you to me and that she was feeling a lot better and will go home to rest. So that is what she did. the time was 5:35pm.

I went home that night about 11:00... but I made sure I documented every thing that happen but I left the report in my desk with the intention of putting it in the chart when I got back to work. I came back to work at 11:00 am with people whispering and gossiping how this woman came into the ER last night at 12:30 dead and how she was seen by Kathy in Quick Care.

I almost dropped to the floor. I went to my desk and got my notes and saw the nursing supervisor, and told her what happen. I didn't know at the time that Kathy never mentioned I came and told her about what happen in the bathroom. She made up a story to save her ass. The woman died of a pulmonary embolism ( a blood clot to the lungs) This can happen shortly after a serious injury, surgery or birth of a child. All the syptoms that I saw were classic. I didn't have enough medical background to know this but I have always felt I should have fought harder for her. She now has a 12 year old son that grew up with out a mother.

This case went to court and I spent 2 years having to tell my story. My best friend was fired from the hospital and lost her medical license and the nurse was suspended for a while. I was commended for trying to help this poor woman and for good note taking. I have always felt a lot of guilt... I sometimes wonder if it was worth it. The issue is the woman is still dead and I no longer have Kathy as a friend. I think she was a great practitioner who got lazy for a moment.

I am not sure why I share this with all of your today but sometimes I feel like I have to tell someone. Thank you friends.


  1. Hey Carrie, we (at least Me & Kara) don't come to your blog for all the hot sex stuff. We come to read what you want to write about. This is your blog so you should be able to use it as an outfit to write what's on your mind. Don't feel you have to lock it into just one subject. Personally I enjoy blogs more when the reader writes regular post about what's on there mind or personal (non-kink) thinks the enjoy/don't enjoy.
    Just write what you want and we'll still be here :)
    Was sorry to hear about what happened to that woman and the friend you lost. In the end at least you did the right thing and that's what counts.

    ~Jess XX~

  2. Thank you so much Jess. Your words mean alot. kisses


  3. Hey Reina, all I can say is guilt can be a lonely killer. Good-hearted people tend to feel a lot of guilt they don't really have cause for. In your case, the feelings are exactly what I would expect. Here is one small piece of advice for dealing with it: Read your blog as if someone else wrote it and you know nothing about the situation. How would you react to the person who was feeling guilty and sad? Would you blame them for what went wrong? Would you think they should be carrying guilt around?

    As for your friend, the only thing you can do is, if her friendship is important enough, call her once in a while or e-mail her and just tell her you miss her and would like to get together. If she says no, then it's not your fault, you've done what you can. As they say, try to change those things you can and accept the ones you can't change.

    You can't control what already happened, but you can control the response to it.

    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You did nothing wrong.

  4. i am really glad I wrote this...So many of you are supportive to my situation. It felt really good to be able to talk to you all of you.

  5. I think the fact that you continue to remember her and her son is a tribute in itself. I will reiterate what Jess/Kara and Tom have already said, you are more than just a blog to many of us. I am glad you wrote out your thoughts on the issue and hope it was therapeudic (BIG HUG!).
    Luv ya!