Wednesday, October 7, 2009
In my earlier post I write about what it was like for me to be sufficated by RT. The post below is RT's take on the event. I know it is a bit long and for those who like my short posts I encourage you to read on. You won't be disappointed.
I felt like a praying mantis all day. Longing to put her in position and like a praying mantis pouncing my hand over her nose and mouth and literally steal her breath little by little. I knew I would not go all the way until she passed out, I am too afraid because of her medical condition, but I knew I would be able to take her to a new level of sexual excitement. Little did I know that despite of my experience doing this, it would take me there too beyond my usual expectations.
All day I wanted to have her so I could do this to her. I wanted her to experience trust and to experience the excitement of asphyxia in the safety of my hands. I wanted to assume the position so powerful over her. I wanted to lead her into it slowly to scare her and to check her level of trust. Being a massage therapist amongst other kinds of therapies I know muscle tension and I know hesitation tension and I wanted to feel her hesitation or her trust. Not her fear, my words and priming of her mind took care of that. I wanted to gauge her trust in me, although I already knew that when it comes to letting me do things to her she is amazingly permissive. But this was serious and ultra-scary for someone who has only seen her less than 10 times over 1 month. But I believed in her and I felt she believed strongly in me.
Throughout the day I sent her messages dealing with asphyxiation, taking her breath away, death, all sorts of things to prime her mind with fear. To shake her trust. But also to excite her. She so adores a good mind fuck and in mindfucks I am good with a capita G. She is getting hardened by knowing that I am mindfucking her but asphixia is beyond trust, once I start she knows with my massive size that like a praying mantis holding a little bug while it eats its head right off with one chump, I can totally do whatever I want and she is helpless to resist. So her trust has to be supreme. Even with her knowing I am not evil and not going to kill her, she feels it because she wants to feel it, she wants to feed on that fear that excites her so much and I want to build on it. Even though she knows she is safe the words still shake her and they rock me up to feel when they do reach her. Even when she acts strong and not scared I smell her fear even from far away and like a shark in bloody water I start a feeding frenzy that builds on her fear. I know I can really scare her big time but I am reserving those big scares for when she needs a lift after so many highs she has been receiving lately.
I am building a symphony of feelings and sensations for her and I start with something familiar that she loves…fucking her but not just fucking her, fucking her hard doggy style and not just fucking her but making her work hard to fuck herself while I save energy for using the cane on her. I am training her to cum with pain not just pleasure but also by making her work for her pleasure too I am increasing her focus. I am also tiring her and increase her release of adrenaline and endorphins with the pain so that when I take her, every nerve ending will be tingling and her mind will be fully focused on what is going on in her body to increase her fear more because her hyper-vigilance will increase her sense of suffocation and fear as well! So pounding her and demanding her to cum and beating her into a frenzy, confusing her and overwhelming her with pain melding in and out of pleasure, feeling the pain one second and turning into pleasure the next. Her mind not quite wrapping around the concept of pain being pleasure but her body fully collaborating with the concept and the more pain she gets the more excited her body gets even if her mind does not consciously registers it. The juices in her pussy tell me by their amount and texture that she is laddering up like a racehorse at the finish line. At this point I get more demanding, asking for more cum from her and she is frantically concentrated on her cum as I interrupt it with the pain until I see her arms weaken to the state I want them to and I stop. I was planning a much scarier pouncing on her like the lighting speed of a mantis arms striking grabbing and devouring of her prey I was going to take her harder and in a fashion that puts the fear of death in more pronouncedly but I decided because I did not know her medical condition to go with something milder…still that day will come soon when I take her this way! I side step a little so only a porting o my body is on top of her and let her catch her breath from working so hard to fuck herself while I cruised without much effort to fuck her and beating her with the cane with great glee and delight. I did not let her dwell too much on the moment just a little catch of breath along with some TLC to weaken her further and then I position her for the kill.
She knows that I am positioning her and she knows what is coming and she can’t believe that she can hardly breathe already from working so hard for me yet she does not put up a fight or protests. Everything is happening too fast for her and she is a slow processor with amazing concentration in her centers for pleasure so with her pussy still tingling and her breath hardly giving her enough oxygen she is very compliant. But I am watching and testing and feeling for tension or hesitation and she shows none. While she is still swimming with low oxygen from her exhaustion and the effects of endorphins and adrenaline and the pain and tingling pussy she is very relaxed and compliant. She knows what I will do but is not fearful at all of permanent harm. She welcomes it with great fear of what is to happen, of the process not the final mortal outcome because she knows it will not be mortal and she will be safe but my words put the slightest doubts in her.
Not having experienced asphyxia when she still has exhaustion issues she did not realize that this can be even scarier and I seize the moment to shorten her chest expansion by the positioning of her arms and also by putting my considerable weight on top of her to stop her from breathing easily. The weight not preventing her from breathing just tiring her greatly and slowly weakening it so the torture is longer and the pleasure for both of us greater. I cover her mouth and nose with my hand but do not put her in a choke hold as to prolong her suffocation. I am so excited and seeing her and wanting her to pass out in my mind, but I am still in control of the situation and knowing that I cannot take it that far but I want to so bad. It was like a man seeing fresh water in the dessert after not drinking for 3 days and only wetting his lips, it was extremely difficult, yet her safety is paramount for me and I did not do it for her…but boy did I yearn for her body to go limp beneath me!
She was so trusting. I offered a little breath for her from time to time to lengthen her suffering and her fear. I talked of today being a good day to die, to quit struggling and finish dying, and to take her last breath. With the great concentration I know she was only focusing on the pleasure of her fear and her excitement and her lack of breathing and did not hear me consciously but subconsciously she heard and I saw it in the increased fear. Her fear was making her high and her body was slowly losing the battle for breathing from all angles. Her legs that were helping her use the little oxygen she had left faster stopped swinging so much, her attempts at breathing started to prolong, her body started going cold beneath me, and even offering and opening for new air did not help her take a new breath. I offered her the ability to bite me to escape and she was too far gone to take it. She was at least 15 seconds from passing out but the fear and the struggle was gone, she had given her last fight. Now with this I decided to revive her up by releasing her. Knowing the worse was not over. With a new breath like when a clamped nipple is released after a long time more pain and panic comes. She was now able to breath and her struggle came back, her fears came to the surface but now they were of not having enough breath, not being able to catch enough breath to make up for the lost one. She started thrashing her feet and her head all over and as her full consciousness came she looked at me incredulous but when I went to kiss her I knew I still had her because she took the time to kiss me back even though as I suspected she was threaten by the lost breath she would have with the kiss but she did it and I was proud of her. I kissed her for my pleasure but also to stop her growing hyperventilation. I stroked and held her calming her so she would stop the hyperventilation so she could enjoy the last minutes of panic and turn them to pleasure. Her smile came back and her flushed face talked of a woman scared witless and loving it.
The adrenaline high led to shaking then a lull that put her in subspace. She was loving and curled on top of me with her head on my shoulders without a struggle; fully trusting and loving. I stroked and massaged her gently to bring her down until the lull hit rock bottom and she was totally still, her warm naked body laying on me like a little baby grabbing on to her mom and enjoying the closeness. Her stillness inside and outside a great reminder of what it means to trust, to give your all, to know that Master was more of a caring soul than a praying mantis!