There are times when trust is all you have in a person. Trust is the biggest gift I can give to my Master. I am learning that trust is what submission is all about.... Last night put that trust to the test.
My favorite sexual position is the doggie style. I love it when RT is behind me, pounding me. The sensation is incredible. It puts him right there in that spot. It also puts him in a great position to beat me with the cane. He tries to make me cum with the pain and although it takes me longer to do this then it normally does I did do it. I am out of breath when it is over. Feeling the welts on my back sting as I start to relax. RT starts to kiss my back and gives those little bites that I love so much. I feel closer to him with every little kiss. He reaches around me and pulls my arms, criss cross, tight around to my back. This is hurting my shoulders but I lay there taking it. I trust he will not do damage. I know this because he was in the medical field for many years. Anyway, he is laying on my back so I can’t move then he puts his hand over my mouth. I cant breathe. It seems like forever. I am kicking, I can't scream. My body feels hot. I am scared. He is saying things to me in my ear that I am not registering but its freaking me out. My body from my shoulders up is starting to get numb. My energy level is weaker. I can’t see anything.
RT lets up. I take a huge breath. I cant seem to get enough air. I am freaked out. I am crying. RT hugs me. I am shaking. My body is trembling for what seems like forever. He lays me on his chest. I still can’t catch my breath. RT tells me in a few minutes I will feel such a low that I will get tired and weak. And right on cue he was right. As scary as this was... And the promise of next time he will do it until I black out.. I have never felt so close to him, so alive. I love that feeling. Total trust (although in the moment, I think I lost it) but I do trust him now more then ever.
This is not something I would ever think I would do. We had discussed this for several days before actually doing it. It was consensual although I was not sure when it would happen. The mind game of all of this was the worse torture of all. But this is what I love most of all.